Brenda's Burgers (Genderswap AU Stories)
by BurgerBob
Summary: A wacky collection of genderswap AU stories from various episodes of Bob's Burgers because...why not?


"Uh! Oh! Tch, Ah! What? Hoh, no!" Lenny eagerly scanned the "Police Weekly" section of the newspaper, growing increasingly more concerned with each sentence.

"Len, you gotta stop reading the police blotter," Brenda told her husband after setting Dora's order down, "It just makes you mad."

"Why would someone steal the sign for Ball Street? Oh. Ha hah! Oh, God, what is this town coming to?" Lenny leaned on the counter as he lamented, "It's goin' to crap!"

"Tell me about it," Dora chimed in, "Somebody threw a snow cone at my windshield today. I thought I hit a rainbow! It was terrifying…"

"Oh, come on," Brenda turned to Lenny, "I don't think this town is going to crap."

Suddenly, the roar of engines echoed down the street and into the restaurant. Turning their heads to the increasingly loud sound, the four inside spotted the source of the noise. One by one, the motorcyclists rode down the street, then systematically lined up in front of the crematorium and the restaurant.

"That's my 2:00," Mag looked excited as she got up from the stool, "The One-Eyed Snakes motorcycle club. Their chapter president died gruesomely. I'm doing the service!"

"That explains why you're wearing leather pants," Brenda chuckled when she noted Mag's choice of clothes.

Mag looked down at her leather-covered legs and cheerily spoke, "Been waiting forever to bust these out!" then strutted out of the restaurant to introduce herself.

Lenny waited until Mag was out of earshot, "She looks like Prince."

Brenda quickly caught on the strange statement her husband made and smiled, "She looks like fat, white, female Prince."

From inside the restaurant, Brenda and Lenny could just faintly here, but clearly see, Mag introducing herself by saying, "Look, but don't touch, ladies!"

* * *

Tony looked around the vaguely familiar area with a twinge of fear, but he couldn't quite recall why. Upon passing the final building on the street and seeing _them_, he finally remembered why he felt so uneasy, but not until it was too late.

"Oh, no. These are the high-schoolers who took over the steps," Tony stopped and spoke his usual monotone hush, but with a hint of urgency, "I heard they pick on kids."

Gina didn't need to take another second before she spoke, "Wait, I'm a kid!" she turned the other direction and began walking, "Come on, let's take the long way."

"I'm not afraid of some high school girls," Louie appeared unfazed by his siblings' reactions as he put on a smug face, "Watch a-this," he spoke like what he was about to do was easy.

Causally humming, Louie began strutting directly through the stair-clad blacktop, his reluctant siblings following behind. One of the girls quickly noticed the kids and walked up to the one in front.

"Hey, HEY!" The tall blonde waved her red-nailed hands around, attempting, but failing, to get the attention of the small child in front her, "You can't walk here!"

Louie feigned a confused expression as he mimicked the teenager's accent, "Oh, my gosh, I can't walk here? Oh, it's a miracle! I'm walking!" he walked in place with a smile that mocked the annoyed teen.

"Shut your face, disgrace to the human race!" The blonde retorted, penciled-in eyebrows furrowing.

"But you said I couldn't, but I'm doing it!"

"But I told you to shut your face!"

"But listen to my un-shut face as I tell you I can walk here!" Louie began speaking incoherently to the angry teenager as he walked away with his siblings.

"Well, listen to this," the teen said as she started angrily murmuring "shut" while repeatedly pressing her hand together as if it was meant to clamp Louie's mouth.

"See ya later!" happily cheered Louie.

"Have a great life!" The blonde said sarcastically, feeling like she was far too done with the confrontation.

"Oh, already havin' it!" Louie growled as he finished yelling.

Once the siblings had taken a few steps, Gina looked over her shoulder to get a look at the girls again. The one Louie had been yelling at was still standing, but now also had her phone in hand, while the other two were still sitting and leaning against the cold concrete.

"That was intense," she said, still looking over at the teens.

"Those gals, they're just little, eyeshadow-caked kittens," Louie said right before turning around to shoot fingerguns at the teenagers while making explosion noises and distressed kitten sounds with his smiling mouth.


End file.
